She told me I was starting to look like a mermaid with herpes and I needed to stop it.
Everytime the frat boy touches his bro's ass after making a cup take a drink
Our logic class started an hour ago, I walked out and found my sister drunk, sitting down, eating m&ms, afraid to walk in... I want her life
somebody put my brain in a crown royal bag and beat the shit out of it
Haha he was not a poor little guy. If he'd talked to me or something I might feel bad. But since I saw him groping other girls as well as myself there's no sympathy coming from me
He's just picking out the right girl. I do the same thing with fruit. Grope them, squeeze them, smell them. I have to know I'm getting quality fruit.
She was drunk and naked on our couch, sweating and masterbating to SNL. We made eye contact and she didn't even stop. It's new-roommate-o-clock
Welp, I've officially cried in every Chipotle bathroom in the city. Correlation or causation?
Tried to shave my legs but the rug burn on my knees from last night got in the way.
The lady that was sitting beside me thought the best way to cheer herself up was to pet and ruffle my hair while crying and telling me her problems...
How you doing tonight? I got my butthole licked so i cant complain.
One time she showed me her pierced nipples in our high school locker room and now she has a daughter
I mean I made my therapist laugh so hard she cried....so yes, my life is literally a joke to everyone
She walked up to me and whispered "I hope you're good at sex" and led me to the beach.
I could see the visible disappointment when she saw my penis
Are you coming over for scrambled eggs and hand jobs?
Randomize
