I guess so. I don't really give a fuck. I think I'm going to jerk off really loudly tonight just to keep them on their toes
I looked up to you, until I saw her walk out of your room.
Let's just say for some reason we thought it was okay to make a burrito smoothie.
Are you still at the party or did I leave?
Can I use you as a job reference? Don't tell them i got you fired cause I banged you tho
I'm 99% sure I high fived a girl over mashed potatoes last night
Well i have to fuck at least one of your roommates this year to keep the tradition alive.
I need to sleep with 3 more guys by midnight to meet my 2010 resolution..
Just know that as we speak i am injecting vodka into gushers
You were yelling at the bowl of salad and telling it to quit taunting you and telling you to go to tacobell
My diabetic professor who apparently didn't eat anything all day keeps passing out. I gave him a joint. He's gonna be fine.
P.S. I just made up pleasure scepter for the purpose of that last message.
I found dried jizz from last night on my leg while feeding an infant a bottle. I am not fit to care for children
Just peed on the front lawn of the capital building. Great American.
The abomination is in progress. At least one barista side eyed me and the other has fear in her eyes
Randomize
