I'm not even planning on drinking that much tonight.. but I'm writing "emergency contact number" and your number on my hand just in case
vodka and carrot juice, if im gonna drink i at least got my 8 servings of vegetable
Yeah. Fortunately, the road to Hell is paved with naked 21 year old girls.
Which beats the fuck out of good intentions.
for future reference: playing drunken strip-twister is a euphemism for a threesome. just thought you should know.
Do you think I can wear the dress I went to jail in with the shoes I went to prom in to the wedding tonight?
We bought a hamster while completely stoned and 2 hours later returned it because your mother wouldnt let you bring it in her house. You cried. a lot.
Yeah everyone's alive and well besides the still terrifying threat of Ted's conception of a human being
Good morning! Just thought I'd give you my yearly reminder that we lost our virginities 7 years ago, yesterday.
That's the best creepy text ever.
This is what my life has come to. Like, I may or may not have just stolen pizza from the guy I just hooked up with's fridge when I left...
It started out as friends with benefits and now I'm picking up her kids from daycare...what has happened to me
I'm not gonna lie. I'm a little scared.
Good. The Jell-O shots look great.
Are you sure he's still you're boyfriend when you're sober?
I work 80 hours a week to prevent myself from just laying in bed and masturbating all day. It's a hands off strategy.
I'm pretty sure I have PMS because I almost just cried about not being able to find a place that gives acrobat classes here.
Dude whoeverrs house this is has only creeam cheese and beer in the fridge. Thats my kinda diet
Randomize
