her vagina probably looks like a grenade went off in a deli
I think my mom's writing a book called how to fuck with your kids when you know they're high
The guy in front of me in lecture is using a fifth of smirnoff as a water bottle.
Nevermind, it's not water.
You broke a window with your face. I don't think the landlord will be as impressed as we were.
can you call in chlamydia to work? like if the antibiotics they gave you for it are giving you the shits...
So he didn't pull out. And I like flipped out. And the he told me to chill and opened up a drawer full of packs of Plan B and handed me one.......
Woke up to a huge puddle of water in the living room floor, apparently I made an indoor snowman.
she left around the point i tried to tie her hair around my dick
If i want her back i know all i have to do is sleep with a specific handful of her closest friends. That method is tried and true.
i ended up playing naked naked monopoly and hangman with my dealer. i really love my life.
It's like they're playing jeopardy and the category is "things that make women dry."
I literally just smashed open my grade school piggy bank for beer money. Goodbye childhood. Hellllllo coin night.
So....I just took a paddle fan on high speed to the side of the head while getting head...still finished the job, good thing I'm drunk and couldn't feel it.
I found it. now I'm going to the gym to be "healthy" or whatever that folklore is called.
Soo are you just gonna poop in my bathtub and not talk to me anymore...?
Randomize
