We won't sleep together?
Regardless thnx for trying to help out, I realize we are dealing w/ very stupid girls here
Thats cool. we found a cat INSIDE a coke machine.
did i by any chance text you anything about feathers last night?
you mean faeutihaers?
We really need to check into harvesting part of our liver now
Frozen pudding on a popsicle stick. Bill Cosby would be so proud of drunk me.
The staff doesn't like it when you try and take your wheelchair for a joy ride since I've been waiting for an hour and a half.
Apparently we were arguing for captain seats so I shouted "who has your virginity." I got the seat.
Just so were clear I meant the head your face is on
My dad, when he got home and saw me loading a bowl in the living room: "We have TWO beautiful balconies to get high on and you pick the couch?!"
He's texting from midnight mass asking for nude pics. Baby Jesus is spinning in his manger as we speak
I'm gonna eat you out. But for science
Props to you. You took the bet seriously. Making out with her for an hour right after she spewed
I literally just woke up in a dog bed, in a bathtub in someone else's house...and I'm not wearing pants
Can I say it was a great night out of town? Fucking my co-worker in the hotel bed while my best friend is fucking his friend on the floor and a random guy is laying in the other bed meanwhile we are all passing a joint back and forth
Randomize
