we have officially lost it.
my roommate and her friend got reaallllly high last night and it looks like they played scrabble. one of their words is "nippal"
he is the anna nicole to my 90 year-old billionaire. i'm grateful that he's fucking me, so i'm buying him shit.
you woke me up in the middle of the night to tell me you were taking off your pants and it was not an invitation.
Hey Im running from the cops. hiding in a bush. when you're approaching the intersection honk the horn twice and I will come out.
and somewhere between crying in her arms and throwing up in her front yard, we became friends.
Invited the whole bar back to my place for an after party.....shit got real with everyone seeing dad drink moonshine like a champ.
Hooking up with him was lovely.. but waking up in his bed the next morning and finding double stuffed oreos... I mean.... I won
I feel like I just did it with Buster from Arrested Development. Taking a shower. #winefail
I just had a drunk lesbian experience.... How do I break it to my boyfriend??
I managed all three standard threesome configurations a female-bodied person can achieve in just under nine years. I want to high-five everyone involved, but I've lost touch with a couple of them
I refuse to believe this is a lapse in my dick hunting skills. It's gotta be the gods playing a game.
then you dropped a clam in a draught beer like it was a drop shot and and started chugging as beer spewed all over your body.
In the officer's defense, I was indeed pantless at the time he cuffed me, but there's a perfectly good explanation.
if it makes you feel any better you looked really comfortable while you were sleepin in the closet, atleast according to the pictures i woke up with on my phone
Randomize
