The girl in the car behind me just took a bowl hit. I miss college.
got some bad news about ur virginity. she didnt make it thru the night
dude your girlfriend loves you alot..she yelled your name lastnight in bed
I'm eating lunch next to a table of beautiful culturally-diverse women chattering away happily. It's like sitting next to a Yaz commercial.
My facebook horoscope today said I will have a little "confusion". Obviously astrology understands a blackout.
It's not normal to lose a tooth eating a McDouble.
I just want you to know I tipped the cab driver $10 last night because I felt bad that he didn't have healthcare.
He's basically like a fancy dildo that buys me dinner.
Her vagina felt like a fur coat. It was weird at first but I kinda liked it
Pretty sure I humiliated the fuck out of myself last night after I was dared to attempt to give myself head. I hate vodka
But he has cupcakes AND I'm guaranteed an orgasm. .. I feel like I shouldn't even have to actually make a decision here.
You slapped my ass and yelled "HOOTY TOOTY WHAT A BOOTY" in a Schwarzenegger voice
Closed my eyes in the shower and got really dizzy. Not sure if neurological or result of 4 day vodka binge. Send help.
Our relationship is perfect
90% threatening to punch him in the dick 10% actual dickpunching
Just looked at the TV in the bar for the weather report. Didn't want to walk home drunk during a tornado warning
Randomize
