Are we in a gay sports bar?
She tied me up with her honor cords...
We've done the math and the dogs tails are wagging at a rate of 3000 wags per hour. Stoned.
I'm calling into work with a wicked case of sledge hammer crotch. She has to understand
Your brother came in a girls mouth for the first time last night... Ah the tales told whilst buying minors beer.
Omg. One night stands are not supposed to show up to your swim class the morning after. Worst lesson ever.
But youre all cute and shit. Woo that cunt. And by cunt i mean strong independent woman
No if my life depended on you fingering me just let me die
So the bitch asked me if I wanted the name brand or the generic contraceptive. Does it look like I want to be generically pregnant?
if this uncomfortable exchange we're having is you trying to flirt with me i suggest you stop it before someone gets hurt
If you're still up for that roadtrip, I managed to end up in Louisiana and could use a ride home.
My girlfriend is talking to my ex-boyfriend at the bar right now. I REPEAT, GIRLFRIEND IS TALKING TO EX BOYFRIEND RIGHT NOW. GET ME THE FUCK OUT OF THIS PLAACE
his mom called during sex and he made me talk to her I think we're getting serious
I was having a dream that I was swimming in a pool filled with melted chocolate but woke up to find I had poured chocolate milk all over my body
He was actually surprised when I poured myself a glass full of straight vodka. Clearly he doesn't know me as well as he thinks.
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