My jaw hurts. Such a slutty injury..
i'm at the gym and so are four guys who have seen my tits. i need winter break.
she cried into her fur with two handfuls of money- she was the physical manifestation of white girl problems
I found a pair a guys underwear in my purse that has a British flag on it and says and I quote "British beef" what.the.fuck.
I think I left my chapstick at your house when I tried using your penis as a catapult and flung it on the floor. Be a dear, and try to see if you can find it.
MY MOM IS GOING TO SMOKE WITH ME.
SHE'S GOING TO SMOKE HIGH QUALITY MARIJUANA WITH ME.
The last thing I remember was wearing a sombrero and trying to do cartwheels in the club
You did one successfully. Then smashed into the wall
We just banged and he's microwaving shrimp noodles and I'm eating tostitos alone in the dark this is why our relationship works
There's tequila in my general area. Please pray for me.
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
I may be asexual, but I owe you a solid from yesterday. I am a man of my word.
Sometimes in life you just have to realize the security deposit isn't worth it.
oh i see... well this is a positive first step in you courting him for sex.
Just opened my sisters laptop to "cute places to lose my virginity" googled last
Listen I don't care what it's called as long as it's drugs
Randomize
