I'm youtube-ing children's choirs. Am I adorable? Or am I a child predator?
Predator. Straight up.
Your sister thinks she pees out of her clit. Did you have Sex Ed or Sunday School growing up?
I acted like I was still sleeping as she gathered her stuff to leave.. that's when she let one rip
I just realize today that I've dated three guys this year with their own blog. Ugh that's embarrassing.
after we had sex he went grocery shopping. at 6 am. i've never been more confused in my life
But I always wanted my obit to read "Died violently in casino orgy," not "Never woke up from rectal surgery."
we just saw you getting yelled at by the cops for trying to 'hijack' a street sweeper...how have you not been arrested yet?
I could end up kidnapped. Or worse, the night will be really awkward.
going to a night class in lingerie so i can quickly go to his house after.
So, I'm playing the Doctor Who drinking game with my dogs, but they don't understand quite when to drink. Still counts as successful, though, right?
Thanks for the viagra you gave me last night. I ended up getting called in to work to cover a shift. So I had to tell Kayla that I couldn't hang out and I had to try and hide my dick all night while walking serving people food all night.
Her boobs felt like beanie babies from heaven
I just want you to know that I think it is hilarious and wonderful that 40s are now your alcohol of choice.
Is it socially acceptable to be blind drunk at half five on a Monday afternoon?
Which pub are you in?
I just learned that the grill marks on a Burger King burger patty are actually previously burnt on there with a radioactive spray-on liquid and McDonald's french fries are actually 5% potato.
Randomize