his prince albert piercing just severely cut the roof of my mouth. can you pick me up at the hospital if he drops me off?
pshh wine cellars. now if he has a tequila cellar whole different story
Am I the only person who thinks Megan Fox looks totally like a Thai lady boy with a serious tanning bed fix?
So on facebook, the pictures from my church mission trip are right up next to the pictures of my first time on E. Sorry Jesus.
Why does every girl think its ok to cheat on their boyfriends with me?
A girl just asked me to co-sign for her boob job because she didn't have enough credit built up. This is a first.
So i closed my laptop as i started to fall off my bed and then i caught myself and realized that moment of catching myself is the difference between tuesday and friday.
My near death experience also doubled as my coming out story
they all just nodded
So I commented on one of his pictures "who do I have to give a full effort blow job to, to get the Ides of March movie poster behind you" he responded with a number that wasn't his. I still texted it. I love that movie.
and then she started to quack like a duck and u started throwing bread at her
I have family pictures in an hour and a half and I'm 9 beers deep. This is how I get written out of my grandparents will...
There is nothing quite so awkward as watching topless bullriding with your mother next to you..
I called my mom while I was blackout drunk, and told her I was drunk, safe, and happy. But really, I was just drunk.
Apparently 24 hr fitness frowns upon the ingestion of psychedelics on its premises, don't see that in the sign up contract.
Basically, I am an endless fountain of unconvential sexual experiences and knowledge.
Randomize
