I fucked a guy named chris tucker last night
I saved him in my fone as special pumba. he was just pumba but then he found me drugs
Highlight of my evening, pile of books falling onto me in front of people
Pretty sure I saw a dude across the room give this girl the international hand gesture for "I'm going to fist you later", she seemed ok with it.
Side note, we are 25 fighting over our sophmore year RAs Drunk facebook attention
Just a smidgen more estrogen and shed be golden
She's got a legit dose of dude going on
No kidding. All she needs is a cheek full of chewing tobacco and I'd have fucked John wayne.
He's. Duct. Taping. His. Phone. To. The. Wall.
I just witnessed my first non cocain induced sunrise in five years.
Not my cup of tea
Now you know my pain. Live with it. Own it. Recognize it. Cause its like shitting napalm.
As a 47 yo who just boned a 22 yo, it was definitely a walk of pride. She is a major feather in my aging cap.
i just took a huge shit in old main. i think my college bucketlist is finished.
I smell like playdoh, sex, and ruined lives. I love the weekend
All you need for a happy life is Jameson and slippers
Hey do you remember me?
You were a giant banana.... how could I forget.
Just found out my dad smokes weed too. Mom, grandma, all aunts and uncles, and now my dad too. It's like I'm genetically engineered to be a stoner.
Randomize
