Just whacked off in the middle of writing a paper, gave me great ideas. Note, should do this more often.
your ability to fuck hot guys even when you go out in sweats amazes me
On your way out, lock the front door. And by lock the front door, I mean find the door handle, reattach it, and then lock it.
please tell me you didn't have sex with him in the bathroom...
Does an alley count?
On the brightside though, I found the motivation to clean my shower, it was right underneath my need to masturbate in said shower.
Hey! I was tired. I threw up in two parking lots yesterday.
He drew a face on his balls with a sharpie. It was like giving head to a unicorn.
I woke up five hours later with a mouthful of Jimmy John's while clinging to my sandwich.
Hey do you know who I showed my dick to at the bar last night?
i would rather have had this happen at a time when i wasnt tripping out on shrooms
I just dumped bong water and Bacardi out of my purse into the trash can. Everything in my purse is soaked. I hate Sundays.
so when he he finally wandered back into the room it was with a pound of cream cheese which he ate in 5 minutes flat and then passed out
Some guy just hit on me and then said, well you look too young to ride the emotional roller coaster and guestured to his dick.
He's a waste of a perfectly good penis.
just played fuck the dealer and thunderstruck with my physics ta. he is the third ta that i have drank with this semester, i think i'm getting good at college
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