I don't get calzones all look the same but taste so different
Dude, I woke up in the kitchen, naked, with a blueberry bagel as a pillow.
Can I eat your pillow?
We walked through the hotel lobby in slow-mo taking huge steps because we were astronauts, and astronauts obviously can't be drunk.
he ate out my asshole, i really don't think he gets embarrassed easily.
Boys can't fool me. I know "want to come up and meet my dogs?" is just a nondirect way of saying "come up and meet my penis".
I just wiped my face with a slice of bread. Lowest point of the night.
He can spot Burberry from half a bar away. He's not into vag
I don't always steal things but when i do it is a six foot five dos equis guy
Just like to put it out there it's surprising how little reception a dog cage has
I'VE CAME 4 TIMES TODAY. I AM AS DRY AS THE SAHARA, STOP YOUR WHINING.
6 tequila shots, 3 kamikazes and 1 rumplemintz.. The next day I puked in my office trash can while doing payroll. I may have to dock my own pay for lack of class.
Officially drug you out of White Castle last night by the hood on your sweatshirt after you cussed out the attendant and stole the satisfaction guaranteed sign because they were closed!
And then we felt it necessary to continue drinking for another 4 hours, yikes
I did the walk of shame this morning and his mom hugged me in the driveway
So changing channels while she's on top is frowned upon. It's back to thinking about baseball again.
Oh. So it is a cult
Basically. But a nice cult. They eat muffins and talk about fundraising.
Randomize