Once again you get dinner and all I get is semen on my leg
She made Precious look like a solid 6.5.
What the hell did I do to get youtube to recommend a video for me called "how to increase your chances of getting pregnant"?
Defiantly just threw away our yearly bottle collection in front of the campus tour. The school should pay me for recruitment
did you by any chance leave me that 7 minute long voicemail of you running and constantly tripping into bushes?
It's all sex hats and vagina bandages with you isn't it?
Steve just broke his bong and some kid in an american flag bathing suit and no shirt just fell down the stairs. Its dangerous here
Will you just get over yourself and come over here and give me that dick...then you can go back home and continue to cry over us breaking up. Thank you
I think I ate my cheesy fiesta potatoes cup.
I am making it a rule that only people I am comfortable around enough to not have to put a bra on are allowed for Sunday funday. I think that's a good rule for someone who started drinking alone at noon while everyone else here sipped their coffee.
Yess he was literally so drunk that like at one point I'm pretty sure he thought it was hard and in when neither were true :/ haha
Had a dream I went to Disney to visit you and then I got really drunk and puked all over these little kids in line
so I think we need to change lawn care services...the guy woke me up by the pool while I was naked...told me he already picked up all the beer cans for us and gave me his number for the next time we party...
He was about to go in...and he fell off the bed. Ruined mood!
I'm sorry I get my lefts and rights confused because I'm dyslexic. But, it took you at least 15 minutes to figure out it wasn't your room OR YOUR HUSBAND.
Randomize
