Saw 2 former students outside gas station. gave me money to buy 2 12 packs, asked if I wanted to go to their party.
I told them I had a gf and took one of the 12 packs. Come over.
Texas should really raise its teaching standards.
i woke up to her playing with my penis. just wiggling it around and around. awkward night? i would say so.
so when am I gonna get some from you?
when you dick grows 3 inches
the remote is under the fat chick passed out on the couch. Good luck .. and may god have mercy on your soul.
I'm not mad at you for letting me use my air mattress as a toilet, i'm mad at you for letting me lay back down on it.
This american gymnastics guy.... He just messed up. I feel so bad. I just wanna hug him until he stops crying. Not even in a sexual way. I just wanna hug him.
But once you explained how to fill cupcakes with semen I realize you were harmless and right on my level.
If our sexual relationship was relative to the Harry Potter series, I would have claimed the Wizard's Cup at least ten times.
My dream of watching a live dick sword fight might never be realized now. Currently sobbing, shots to follow
Like these jerks could have told me it wasn't a video call, I wouldn't have put on pants.
I stole an accordion from the bar
Accidentally
I'm having ragrets about stealing the accordion
I woke up naked and surrounded by M&Ms
...its technically supposed to be for the bridal shower but I think I can find an ensemble that says "im hopped up on x. Stick your tongue down my throat." As well as " im supporting your marriage to my brother"
I woke up beside him and almost cried. Then I realized you were on the other side so I knew I hadn't made any bad decisions.
idk what to be more embarrassed/confused about, that i lost my underwear or that i woke up covered in fried rice
Randomize
