I am not having having sex with guys at the moment.
I can pretend to be a girl if you want. I have a tongue.
I climb out of my sunroof. I mean its kind of embarrassing but part of me feels awesome and ninja like.
Have you ever noticed how boring internet porn is after you cum? I can't shut my computer fast enough.
def just vomited mimosa in the gym trashcan. i weigh less already so i say its been a solid workout.
in fingerprint form on my ass. Seriously not cool. \ni bruiiiseeee like a delicate fruiiiitttt. Heeeaaarrr the rythymmm
Also, turning on the light this morning was a 3 step process. Way too hungover.
And now thanks to shrooms we all got a terrifying glimpse of what goes on in his head. I will not say I didn't see it coming when it turns out he made a suit out of people's skin
I ate all his french fries. He was no longer useful to me.
We had hangover sex and then I called a taxi home. Told him I didn't want his number because, if it was meant to be, we would fuck again. He called me the queen of one night stands.
does the cute hipster in the kitchen belong to you?
if not i want to bang those glasses off his face
He wants to take me instead of his girlfriend to the happiest place on earth... By that He meant Vegas. My morals are just loose enough to think this is a good idea
You're 21st was epic. I woke up at 6 a.m. on the floating beer pong table in the pool with a beer still in hand. Didn't even spill any
I warned you. Don't come crying to me when your vagina refuses to forgive you for this.
The man was doing everything in his power to get away from his wife, including go into the gay club.
I think I may have fully transcended this spectrum of life. I can see beams of light man. Down to the photons
What
The only downside is I can't stop skipping
Randomize
