Anderson Cooper interviews Obama. It's like CNN is teasing and broadcasting my dream 3 way.
My mom just asked me if I was gay in front of my gf
He just "revenge puked" on her kid. I think we'll be leaving soon.
Getting up is taking longer than anticipated. Alcoholic fish bowls have made getting out of bed a multitstep process.
She wasnt impressed wen i brought a guy for her back with me, a 3am impromptu sperm donor is not a gd birthday present. Im a bad gf.
It's been hot as balls outside. It's like getting tea bagged by the Sun.
Two months ago an unknown man was in my bed and now he is my boyfriend and he has 1.6 million in the bank and he buys me things because I only have $4.35 in my bank account
It could happen to you too!
At the bar, some guy bumped into you and you screamed "hey, don't touch what you can't afford sunshine!"
Sex was great. Left his house while he was asleep but on the plus side I was able to get gas station food.
Has anyone heard from Jamie or has she actually just been having sex for 48 hours?
We are best friends because we can vomit simultaneously in the same toilet and not care
I guess you know it was a good night when you find your ripped underwear in your pocket, and a nerf bullet falls out of your pant leg 😂😂
In other news, I’ve officially fucked a grandpa.
It’s a 10 inch dick! Of course I’m getting a Brazilian
About that photo of the cake you just sent. You do realize it’s on a glass table, right? We can all see your reflection in it, and you’re very obviously naked.
Randomize
