i just told my boss to make it rain at camelot later...what is wrong with me?
She said "You blew my mind last night." and I said "nah, I just blew my load." and her mom heard.
It's going to be great. They guy at the store said 3 shots and you won't be able to feel your face or stop smiling.
I just passed on expense account drinking, this must be the worst hangover ever.
I am currently sitting on a candy bar to warm it up cause it was in the fridge so I can eat it while watching the last song and smoking weed by myself
i get of class at 4. it takes me 17 minutes to walk home and 3 to load a bowl. thank you, priority registration.
As far as figuring life out your talking to a guy that's alternating text messages between his baby mama and a drunk bitch I met tailgating. My best advice is don't worry about shit out of your control and always and I really mean ALWAYS wear a condom.
I dont care how high you are "yes" is not the correct response to "what do you want from Taco Bell" Mom.
You showed them your nipple for dollars for the jukebox. You were depressed because only one of your songs played. Oh then you twisted your ankle and blamed it on your mad stripper skills.
No shame in my game.
That man deserves a slow clap... He defied the power of the vagina
I mean I'm into guys with money but more into guys I'm actually attracted to
yeah i guess i'd rather he was hot than rich
wow i don't know if that qualifies as growing up but if it does i'm all in
some dude just accurately guessed my height and bra size.. that is cup AND inches around. creepy, yet impressive
I don't know if your celebrity crush has ever asked you for nudes, but it's fucking awesome
his first fb message to me in 3 years was "is your cock open for business?" im blocking him
day drinking didnt prepare me for this..
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