You even been so high breaking up weed with your fingers feels like surgery?
You love me.
That's because, tragically, I adore whores.
after he gave me a diploma for giving him amazing head, getting a regular diploma isnt all that cool.
a cabby told me that vodka is the coors light of liquor, and then gave me his number
5 am booty call.. And I went I need to gain better control of my vagina
I just peed in a flower pot on the veranda while crying and holding a drink
Why is there a chicken nugget nailed to my front door?
judging from the number of limes and box of kosher salt on the counter therell be 8.5 gallons of tequila drunk this weekend.
sounds about right
He's going to be my graduation present to myself.
I'm glad the semester is over. I need a break from the term "whiskey sharts" coming up so much in conversation.
she sent me a picture of dilf asleep in bed with the caption "what happened last night?"
So everything was good he was big spoon I was little spoon and then I got peed on
yeah, never be friends with someone with shitty eyebrows.. they obviously already make poor life choices
I completely forgot I gave up beer. But airports don't count. They're like international waters. No rules.
I can show you the world. Shining, splimbering vaginaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa
Randomize
