Don't look now but I am in class with a mixed drink
Don't look now but my prof just asked me if I was drinking a screwdriver
I don't think I can get bothered with getting laid tonight
...there is blood under my fingernails.
...I hope my roomates are okay.
Before I left in the morning I deleted her purity ring app off her iPod, I figured it would save her the shame
Im like a co-bf. he pays for her birthday and christmas, but i get all the action.
I have the money I owe you for auctioning off your black thongs. Best 30 bucks ever spent
I'm just glad you're the only person I can have a "remember when we thought I was pregnant" conversation with.
Pregaming before going to drink with a girl from Russia. Please make sure I'm not dead in the morning.
It's only slutty if you don't have his number. Unless there's a full moon. Then anything goes.
if it doesnt flame it aint got game is a bad drinking motto eyebrow-wise.
eyebrows regrow, your balls dont
Talking to him sober hurts my brain
She throws back shots like they are NO-THING. I swear, she goes through like five straight tequila shots, does a jello shot, chases with half a hot dog, has a rum and coke, and then takes her shirt off and makes an impromptu bandage out of it for fuckin' Tim who cut himself on the flagpole. I'm going to marry her.
Blizzard, Hour 9: I'm 7 beers deep and have finished Ninja Turtles. I am listening to the NYPD and Nassau Fire Dept pipes and drums and writing new drum scores in my head, which I may or may not remember tomorrow
I have chicken nuggets, lube and brand new batteries, he can stay at work charting all weekend for all I care, I'm set.
So I came to the conclusion that who ever pour my ever clear out saved my life
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