Besides Rainforest Cafe, there's nowhere i'd rather be intoxicated than here
You put a thong on my pumpkin didn't you.
so if i die before i go back to school its because the thing we found in the hallway that i've been smoking out of is a crack pipe
It didn't get weird until she took off her underwear, looked down, and said "fill her up!"
...Then she just started hitting me with a loaf of bread.
What's the over under on catching something from your sister?
I need to stop smoking. I just talked to corn.
Remember when I peed in the trash can in the ATM room last night?
Never thought I'd say this, but thank god for my blackouts.
Whatever. I just smoked another bowl so I don't care and wow I just noticed how fast my thumb moves when I text. I'm amazing.
My parents got me a bottle of vodka and a puke bucket for christmas. I've already used both.
He recreated the night that started all my mothers days. We shared a joint, drank Boones Farm, and dry humped to the Beastie Boys. Then I cried over MCA's death. Best. Gift. Ever.
I mean, as I was vomiting in front of a giant crucifix I became acutely aware of my poor choices
After sending me a dick pic, he asked, "yay or nay?"
I couldn't even tell you how many times I've said "wrong hole" today
I dropped my slice of pineapple on the kitchen floor and was just staring at it about to cry. It was really good pineapple.
Randomize
