Drunk fuck. Had to tell him that the 5 second rule does not apply when your in the bathroom at the hockey game.
Just made gatorade. in the bathtub.
Now that world cup is done, funneling out of a vuvuzela has lost its fun
just had to shower sitting down. i hope this isn't an indicator of how the rest of my week is going to go.
you started keeping track of only every even numbered drink you had
4 random people called me telling me they found him sleeping in the fetal postion on a driveway 45 minutes after we lost him
Why did I wake up holding food tongs?
Also I climbed atop a mailbox with a toilet paper hat and a wolverine claw made of glowsticks, screaming at passers-by that they were going to die. Control me
Those mornings you wake up with a Barbie tramp stamp are the mornings that are the that are going to make me miss this place
IT'S SUMMA TIME
ITS SUMMA TIME NOT BE HIGH ALL THE TIME TIME
THEY'RE THE SAME THING
The word cocktail makes me want to rip my liver out and nail it to a cross.
I woke up with a massive hangover and realized I still had an entire bottle of tequila in my car...so yeah, working on tomorrow's hangover.
he pushed me in the lake knowing full well I had joints on me. that's drug-abuse!!
i woke up at 4 pm face down on my hardwood living room floor. i would say its a new low but i think I found my new napping spot
at this point I think you're judging my taste in men
I swear I'm not
It's okay, I'm judging my taste in men
Randomize
