Ugh I just know that when I take off his pants his underwear will have Megan's Law written all over them.
Update: no underwear. Greeeeen light.
What part of "waking up in the crawl space of my house with a raccoon" sounds like a good night to you?
six shots in, he is hammered and doing stretches before each shot
Tipsy and thinking of you. Talk tomorrow. My alliteration is awesome.
Is there a nice way to say "I like you, but I hate your dick?"
don't ever tell me how terrible your next walk of shame is until you run into your little brother on his way to class.
im not sure. I kicked him in the ear last night trying to kick a plastic cup off his head to prove I can kick higher than anyone.
She's cheated on every boyfriend she's ever had with the same guy. She's like a slutty yo-yo.
First night sober since New Years. I'm not sure what hurts more, the hangover or the credit dread when I find out what the tickets to Bali actually cost.
The other day I was really high and I felt like my words were coming out of my mouth in flowers...I don't know.
See,its just the last time this situation happened I ended up hiding in a closet on my birthday
I DONT WANT YOUR DICK. I WANT BRUNCH.
I definitely fucked a Trump supporter last night but I wouldn't let him fully admit it because then I would've had to leave and his cock and abs were too perfect
He had a clap on lamp. So every time he was ramming into me, the lights kept turning on and off
three of my fingers are bleeding and the only thing on my phone rn is a google search of 'Allison Janney'
Randomize
