Please explain to me what this has to do with my fantasy to fuck larry king?
I recorded his drunk dial calls. My personal favorite was the one that began, "grab the bull by the horns and fuck his cock."
You were yelling at the bowl of salad and telling it to quit taunting you and telling you to go to tacobell
Wait wait wait. I remember riding in her car to the next bar. On your lap. With my head on the dashboard. That probably should have been my cut off point.
I just remembered you had me meet your law professor while I was wasted...how'd that go?
Note to self: semen does not count as food to take medicine with
Sitting in airport bathroom. Guy walks into toilet next to me and announces "I want to apologize to the entire airport for what I'm about to do"
Please ignore everything I told you about my girlfriends vagina last night.
eating chex mix on the couch when he walks in naked and asks how he looks. are you shitting me.
Just cried watching Wimbledon, worst comedown ever.
As a gentleman whose genital hole is relatively small, you could imagine my reaction
You need to stop showing people the things i drunk-text to you... i have a reputation to uphold here
he’s basically the devil with a fuck boy hair cut and chlamydia
I don't wanna see it, I don't wanna touch it, I just want it in me.
Sitting beside a stoned cat on the kitchen floor eating cheesecake with my hands...just a struggle
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