Twist it, pull it, flick it... Bop it was like the first time I touched myself.
There is a man on the balcony beside me who claims he is a triceratops. He roared and asked me for a cigarette, telling me he'd eat me if I refused. I love college.
Have you ever seen a 300 pound pregnant lady's boob fall out of her shirt cuz she's not wearing a bra? I have.
the best part about watching a meteor shower at 4 am is being able to masturbate in public and drink hot chocolate at the same time.
thankjk goddddn taco bell uis open htis lateee!
you do know it's eleven in the afternoon, right?
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
There is a girl in my drunk limo who hasn't seen an uncircumcised penis. Hook me up with a picture.
Ugh I miss culture and lesbians already
got one for peeing in public....called the cop a donut dunking communist...should be a fun court appearance
YOURE ABOUT TO SEE SO MUCH UNCIRCUMCISED DICK
I just had a sex dream about orange juice, so there's that.
He described his sex dream about me using only emojis
Yeah, so if you ever try to steal it, just know my tongue's been on it in several occasions. All over it.
one week and then i'm back on the sexual grind. a party is being planned in my vagina's honor
He passed out with his shoes on 20 minutes till midnight, and I didn't have a sharpie so I took the cheese whiz and filled his exposed ass crack.
Randomize