how do chicks with those acryllic nails wipe their anuses?
"Party in the USA" was played at church youth group last night. It was like everything I enjoy hating was aligning against me.
My workout was carrying 2 cases home from the grocery. It's Bowl Week.
and apparently i was drunk enough to follow up with "I'd let me touch your boobs" ... not my best line.
No, that was the night I was sneezing out barf
he walkred up to the manager at dennys and said 'look, my friends passed out in your bathroom, can i go get her?'
I walked in and saw him spread eagle on the couch beatin it, while he just pet the dog that sat there and stared. mom was pissed
Actually, what with the curvature of the Earth, it's faster to leave from Washington. And Google maps recommends kayaking instead of swimming.
Sorry I couldn't reference you in my facebook quote. I will redirect any likes and comments straight to my blowjob efforts this week.
First date was awkward. I think I just saw someone die.
Oh I'm sorry does your girlfriend send you better pictures of things in her ass? No? Didn't think so. Remember that the next time you wanna complain how I don't make the first move enough.
I renamed some of my contacts in my phone before passing out and I have one I cant figure out, its "fucking house elf scum"
I just convinced a telemarketer I live in a tree.
What did he say?
He still asked if I want a home security system.
You showed up at 4 am holding a beer and wearing a wig you apparently found in the dumpster.
That explains some things...
It's like Guy Diamond blew glitter into my vagina.
Randomize
