Am I a whore if I make out with a boy just so michelle can't?
At the bar dressed as a taco. not a typo. Come down.
Why was I handcuffed to the roof?
It was easier then trying to explain why you couldn't fly
Please don't tell me I was shouting "I'm bleeding from my vagina" in front of my ex-boyfriend and his new girlfriend.
I ended up staying at a police station for being a witness in a public masturbation case..NOW do you believe me that I've never had a good St. Patrick's Day?
This year i'm grateful for nothing other than the discovery that the uncircumcized rumors about him were wrong
But hes like a baby bird with a broken wing that i want to FUCK.
there was so much lube in my brother's closet...
If I make it home without being sick in this captain's hat it will be a fucking miracle.
He has a baby picture of himself on the night stand. I don't think this whole 'one night stand' thing is for me.
MY GOD WHY DIDN'T I TAKE PHOTOS OF HIS CREDIT CARDS WHILE HE WAS SLEEPING
There's a random table in the kitchen...and it's not the kitchen table...we don't know where it came from
My cats name is now jello shot. How much do you love me right now?
You poured all their beer into ziploc baggies so it would be "better on the go"
she referred to her cum as “pussy butter” so needless to say we had a good night
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