I'm sorry, but there's just something about mesh over nipples that irks me.
you kept eating the heads off the gummy bears and screaming 'euthanized!'
if you google earth my address you can see me getting out of my car. finally my moment of being famous
We just had the worst moment of our late twenties.... We just realized we are too old for the real world
I just spent the last 30 mins playing uplifting songs to my uterus, & there's no way I'm pregnant.
I just test ran being their maid. I'm getting 50 bucks a month and they're buying the costume.
Less talking, more tequila
yea, their son has been arrested on more than one occassion, their daughter is pregnant and their other daughter graduated but she was adopted, so clearly genes are everything.
Can she stop putting up all these passive aggressive statuses and please come out of the "I-want-to-be-a-pornstar" closet already?
I spent the money she owed me on enough magnum condoms to make a blimp. Damn right I'm going to make the best of it.
Names, who you're caught in bed with, both minor details
He started french braiding my hair while I was blowing him. The question is not why, but how.
In another note. Thanks for making me get a vibrator. For real.
How drunk is too drunk to be on an airplane?
I’ve basically been controlling him with my tits for months now, so I can’t even imagine what would happen if I start banging him
Randomize
