he stopped mid-fuck to ask me how my day was....
who the fuck is that kid sitting with you...
I don't have any fucking idea. I woke up and he was there. I'm kinda creeped out.
Just stole a pregnancy test from Wegmans because I didn't want to pay 13 dollars to find out my life is over.
I won the karaoke contest at the bar last night, when they called my name i was doing blow off the toilet seat, i thought they caught me, i didnt even know there wasa contest
I'm still trying to figure out how you came back with chinese food, and a spoon covered in icing saying 'cake..'
This guy just tried to hit on me on facebook. His most recent listed education is middle school. This is my life.
I will pray to the gods of eye bleach for you
you know what would be perfect? if you flew in on a horse/cat holding taco bell and then you swooped me up and took me to disney world and it was magical
You can't just call animal control when you're drunk because there is a bug in the shower.
He was spooning with the dog when I came home. Now shes afriad to go near him. Should I ask?
Well I never thought in the future I'd be able to say "hey remember that Easter I made porn?"
It was 6am and he went immediately for the 69. WTF?? 6am is WAY to early for acrobatics.
his mom called during sex and he made me talk to her I think we're getting serious
He motorboated me, gave me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
She's walking down the sidewalk with a notebook, a pencil, and a box of cheez its while yelling profanities at small animals.... I'm going 2 ask her where she was before this.
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