we'll hang out once this whole, "your friends are robbers and drug addicts" thing blows over with my parents.
I'm pretty sure there's seven mailboxes in the bathtub...
Farmville is her only friend.
Oh. They ARE dating. Kinda sad. Have such an urge to be a huge bitch and steal him but my morality is in the way. FUCK YOU MORALITY.
Gentleman, we have a new medal category - number of women per day in apartment WITHOUT FURNITURE
She wore that goddamn strap-on all night. When she was playing guitar hero it kept getting in the way but she just wouldn't take it off.
Hey. Hope youre not too hungover. Also, did you put a Christmas tree in my guest bathroom and cover it with condoms?
all i know is that i listed him in my phone as 'vagina cookies.' that can only be a good thing.
I pretty much landed into this relationship penis first
I swear to god, if you fuck the hot one you're paying me back for the shot I just bought her
I found all these half eaten mandarin orange on the ground and the bruises on my neck are definetely not hickies
Just told my boss I wasn't coming in to work because of a serious case of blue balls. Totally made having them worth it.
You know your horny when you have a sex dream about Ace Ventura, if your wondering he's awful
It's been two whole weeks and I haven't missed a single class. I deserve 69 blunts.
So I "accidentally" brought my road beers into church for this wedding
And they fell out of my pocket on the pew. Made quite a noise...safe to say I'm batting a thousand
Randomize
