Maybe if you date her you can take a dump on her
My poo smells like dog food. That's how I know it was a good night.
He was such a tease, he pulled out his dick, let me touch it then put it away
Well, that's a 3 inch weight lifted off of my vagina
It's christmas eve and my mom blacked out before me. If she beat me at that, what have I been learning at college?
I'm convinced my penis is the only thing holding this relationship together.
Maybe her vagina is like a vacuum
I can't decide if that would be a good or bad thing. I'm leaning toward good
I was galloping around pretending to give birth to pbrs. I could have used a mask.
Goldenshlager is a hell of a drink. And these are the adventures ur missing out on w me. I gave someone a bath Emily. A BATH.
Awkward
Can't say I wouldn't let it happen again.
Finals drinking + forgeting you had to take your ambien because you work at 6am mid paper= drunk logic which then entails going on a "detox" run. Puking your guts put in the field house bushes while some random guy says to you "its okay. We're marching on."
Have you ever hotboxed under your comforter? Best. Decision. Ever.
he's been 21 for 38 minutes and he's already trying to fist fight this dude over his girl
awwwww babys first drunken mistake
TURNS OUT they were both cheating. Like the Gift of the Magi except for shitty people
The best thing about last night is when drunk Lauren asked cop if she could smoke a joint in front of him. And next thing I remember she’s smoking weed with a cop. How awesome is that.
At least I’m an “essential employee” and can still bang my boss. \n\nFingers crossed my husband doesn’t ask why I’m essential, the orgasms are too good to give up during this pandemic
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