if being creepy is wrong, then i don't want to be right
It's officially time to start saving up weed money for the NCAA tournament
I think I'm going to inject the gummy vitamins with vodka
I'm glad you're using your medical degree for some good for once
I was giving him a handjob and he commented that he loved my nailpolish....I'm destined to die a fag hag
we have 69 mutual friends...i have to add her
I might have to break the "you stay out of my sister and ill stay out of yours" pact that i have with tim
at the end of the day, college isnt gonna be for everyone... and some of us are just going to have to learn how to breathe underwater while sucking cock.
I just crawled out of bed at 5AM to make her a peanut butter and Nutella sandwich. Somewhere in the distance, I could hear whips cracking.
Pretty sure I recall hugging our waiter from the bar last night. That also means we are NEVER going there again
You're married and I'm going to make out with a stranger tonight. Isn't that weird? It's like a gap in the time space continium.
i just came to a realization. Besides probably food, in my lifetime i think i have spent more money on legal fees than anything else
I may be a feminist, but I am not above using my body to distract you if it means I might beat you in a game of scrabble.
I'm sorry, that really sucks. I'm in the bath eating lasagna and if anyone comes in here it's going to be bad news for them
Just taking a shit and realized the captain planet theme song is stuck in my head.
Not sure how my purse ended up in the bushes last night... Or why there was a noodle strainer in the toilet.
Randomize
