be a good friend and just tell me i'm not pregnant
there should be a national holiday dedicated to how high i am
I just gave some chick my debit card to put in the jukebox. She better put out.
The lawn was on fire, but I fixed it.
she got to the point every few minutes she checked to see if her boobs were still there.
She was kind of put off because I kept calling her baby my spirit animal and staring hungrily at her breasts.
I've decided I'm peeing in a solo cup then throwing it on his windshield. It's official. He called the cops 4 times in our first week at the house. He deserves it, right?
After i black out, be a good friend and point me to the direction of a girl with daddy issues, any girl would do just fine
And I feel bad.
Because we're having a serious discussion about our sex life and you're playing minecraft?
There seems no grander way to celebrate 420 than to smoke atop a mountain peak.
Fuck away man. Like 3% of these new people will be back next week. This is the best week of the year to slam bitches at the gym.
There must be a happy medium universe where you get it on with my girlfriend enough to cause me pain but not a full on cardiac arrest. It's a fine line to tread though.
My bank account got hacked so he showed up with a 6 pack wearing a superman cape to cheer me up and you question why I love him?
Wish me luck. My vagina needs it.
May his noodley appendage touch you.
well i don't know if 30 seconds is exactly a good time but at least he bought me breakfast
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