do you believe in love at first sight?
awwwwww =)
yea.. so can i have your sisters number? thanks!
Facebook is asking me which Pokemon I'd be. Is there one whose only moves are gay sex and reading Adrienne Rich?
Charles is a playa. And I don't mean the spanish word for beach.
did you violate me with a mr sketch marker when i passed out? i just peed and wiped purple and it smelled like grape. i need to get to the bottom of this...
you yelled that ur labia majora was swollen at 3 am in the dorm hallway
You were almost as fucked up as I was the night I hooked up with a bob saget look alike...
So hung over, I told one of the candidates she's hired if we can turn the lights off and take a nap instead of doing her interview. I feel like she has potential.
So, since you're now a four night stand, I feel comfortable asking: Did I leave my sunglasses at your house? Or my underwear?
Just had a 10 minute long conversation with my cat about how if I died, and he needed to eat me to live, I'd totally be ok with it. Definitely still drunk.
I think I shall call his penis Gatsby. We talk about it all the time, but I never see it.
It's all fun and games until your AARP eligible neighbors end up blacking out in your yard at 5pm with a box of franzia. I'm feeling a great year ahead
What is this nonsense on the table
Your idea.
I mean the hole taco that was chewed up and spit out
you told me your favorite colors were "pink" "no pants" and "Mexican food"
Also, it was so cold in that bathroom that I saw my crap steaming, a first in my life
He had the same tone in his voice and look in his eyes that he gets when he says UFOs aren't real.
Randomize
