I just used a franzia box to scrape the snow off my car.
It feels like Jesse James cheated on America.
She just asked me if I was going to kiss her cat goodby too... This is why we don't stay till last call.
I probably shouldn't have slept with him. I feel like that may have given him the wrong idea.
I feel that shower jager is exactly what this man needs after last night.
You're a disgrace to gay men everywhere.
Got a handy at the foam party. Took girl home. Banged her. Thanked her for foam handy. "what handy?"
Dave called me blind fucking drunk thinking he was going to die from drinking with drake bell(wtf?) saying "it's all that drake motherfucker's fault" and later proceeded to tell me "you are my twitter"
I made one of my coworkers cheers to me not being pregnant. I've never talked to him before tonight. Keeping it classy.
Mom told me you snuck booze into a concert in a cheez its box...I have never been prouder to be related to you
You know you went through something intense when you actuallu applaud yourself for not shitting your pants
Turns out that Irishman put my panties under his pillow afterward. Thanks?
Bruh why you gotta judge
You're awake at 3:30 in the morning RSVPing to a musical, I'm well within my means
Afterwards I drank a whole bottle of cake vodka in the bathtub while he was bawling his eyes out. Hands down weirdest hookup I've ever had.
he was peeing off the deck shouting "urinals are for pussies" that's how much hurricane.
I don't know where you went, but if you're anywhere near the liquor, pour me another drink
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