he actually proposed, and i threw up on him...i guess 5 glasses of wine was a bad idea.
sexting on a treadmill. speed 9.0 beat that slut!
My last google search was "mavis beacon techs tping" Thank god google auto corrects bc otherwise i wouldn't know that i drunk-type 13 words a minute.
Apparently she doesn't appreciate the significance of eskimo sisterhood as much as I do.
Just remembered when I bought that round of shots I told the girls to "get their whore friend" who was making out with her bf instead of drinking. I don't know why they stayed.
sick fucks of a feather flock together
Remember when puke and rally meant a good time? Fuck pregnancy
She walks around topless and loves making sandwiches. That's how a one-night stand turned intoa relationship
Also this is super embarrassing but sorry for licking your chest
And then I fed you egg rolls in bed as you were screaming I'm moving out
Wanna get mid day margaritas tomorrow if I'm still alive
My tinder date wouldn't stop talking about the Star Wars movie trailer long enough to fuck me. HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?
I can't get past the whole vibrator up the ass stunt.. Can we have a ceremonial burning for his dignity because I will not ever touch that again..
Some guy at the bar last night bought us Arrowhead water and I was so drunk, it tasted good
spent the night holding naked strippers up for keg stands and doing endless amounts of body shots. good game 8am final exam.
whats an extra semester when you've already been in college for 6 years?
Randomize
