It's like having an annoying little brother who wants to have sex with you
in retrospect, i probably shouldn't have referred to his dick as "travel size"
He fucked my earring out of my ear. Of course he's coming over again.
I was hitting on her while she was puking ... yeah i was pretty drunk
It doesn't count as drinking alone if you're making rum cake with it.
He told me that "my little fuckpig" was a term of endearment in Britain. I think I'm in love.
I received a letter in the mail from my ex equipped with a used condom,dirt, some hair, and a nude portrait of myself.
Softest bathroom rug I've slept on in my life, there have been many
One of those nights had to have been when we tried to walk through the McDonald's drive through -- and then got in the car with complete strangers. And stole their hamburgers.
And is it bad that I haven't talked to guys who I haven't already dated? I feel like a recycle bin.
Please come over, I'm slowly melting into a ball of sexual frustration. If I'm not dead by the end of the day be very surprised.
Smoked a joint with my old camp counselor and now we're going to a strip club. There is a god.
It's 90 percent alcohol, and 10 percent a whisper that says "get drunk"
Just googled myself and a bunch of boob shots of me came up. Apparently my phone automatically uploaded them to my google plus.
Please google me ASAP and ensure I corrected this...
It's a Saturday night and I am in bed with two cats, a bottle of Riesling, and I'm masturbating to Iron Man. I'm great at being 21.
Randomize
