I found my crush's facebook page. And his wife's. Apparently they are still in love. Of all the people to have happy marriages! Fuck, I'm depressed.
Sketchest drug deal yet.... I just got paid in quarters and chucky chesse tokens. I need to stop hooking my friends up.
Please tell me what happened last night... specifically who told me it was a good idea to pee in my shoe.
Is there a card that says "Sorry I got drunk at your Christmas party and tried to steal your monogrammed hand towels so that I could give you something nice for Christmas"?
looking at that huge scar on my leg from when i got drunk at 9 AM and walked into a grill. so excited for football season to start again!
You said you didn't want to drink anymore so you started shooting vodka down the back of your throat using a syringe. Oh, and then you aimed it at my eye ball...vodka in the eye hurts btw.
Dude.. full face helmets and hangovers do not mix... I am never going to get rid of the smell of puke.
Whiskey and an unstable home life is apparently the fountain that 20-something boys like to drink from.
And then, I saw the prophecy come to fruition. It was the Dick of Destiny.
I'm beginning to worry that I seem to get along best with people when I'm naked with them.
Using mass transit when I'm hungover makes me feel like I missed my calling as a serial killer
You were literally hanging out the window and dancing to the remix to Ignition when we drove you home
just because you have a nice tits it doesn't make you a magic little snowflake.
All he gave me was a sore vagina and film suggestions
What happens if you die with an erection? Does it stay hard? Disclaimer: I'm high.
Randomize
