remember that night jesus turned water into wine? DRUNKER.
Oww! U thought rug burn was bad! Fuckin carseat burn hurts like a mother!!!
Wtf?
Use the slutty part of ur brain.
I told him he can't put it there till we're exclusive. That's totally The Relationship Hole.
Yeah, but thats the third time she's peed on me.
Id like to know where dora the explorers parents are when she goes on all these crazy ass adventures
I have glow sticks stuck to my boobs and a missed call from the 911. I'd say last night was a success.
I mean I sucked his dick at 3 AM... UNDERWATER. I think I have earned a follow back on twitter.
I'm so high that I'm intently watching my neighbor move his car back and forth in order to put his motorcycle in the garage, and getting irritated that it seems so complicated.
The attempted closet masturbation was unforgivable.
That was the most fucked up I've ever seen him. He had the fucking Canola Oil!
idk. a stripper just bit me. I'm so disoriented
Bjs and tacos. That's my life.
Why so philosophical about cake and sex this morning?
I just dropped a condom on the floor at costco in front of my girlfriend and her husband. Today is not going to go well.
I am passing the whore torch on to you my friend. Do me proud
I swear to God if you start calling your dick “my pegasus” we’re not friends anymore
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