I just had my first experience getting hit on by a guy. It was really awkward, he touched my chest and invited me to a gay bar because "women get drunk and let their guard down at gay bars"
thats actually pretty good logic
Because you know it would be fucking amazing to get trashed and shatter the dreams of 12 year old girls. I might get a shirt.
My getting drunk and marrying a stranger in Vegas final court annulment papers just came in the mail... I might frame that shit
There were penises being pulled out everywhere.
I was masturbating in my bed this morning when my ipod alarm went off and it started playing "show me the meaning of being lonely"
The moral of the story is do not hire me because everything will end up smelling like pickles and I will not sufficiently clean it up.
I did the crab walk everywhere because I was drunk enough that it was easier than standing up.
Right... Let's keep my vodka tinged mind focused on simple words
I'm about to sell my hamster for weed money I'll call you in a few
Puked in the trees at home depot, I told everyone it was fertilizeerr
I am honored my friend, to hold the decision of what enters your body
Realized we were outta oj used gerber graduates mixed fruit juice as a mixer. Mother of the Year award right here
Leave it to me to sleep w a guy who gets poison ivy on his dick
Your friend gave me you're number. I was the guy locked behind the book shelf.
I think you have the wrong number, but I hope you escaped your library-prison?
I've washed my hands three times and it still smells like Astroglide.
Randomize