You smell like stripper and shame
The way you explained my vagina was exactly the way I would of described my breakfast burrito.
he just found out the funeral is this morning so i'm wearing last night's clothes and look like a total slut.
That's the last time I try to be adventurous at a gas station
I was still in a towel. We hadn't even started drinking yet and the champagne bottle dropped and exploded literally up into my vagina.
You never cared about felonies while buying me alcohol from the little Asian woman across the street
I BIT YOU IN THE DINING ROOM. I bit you and you crunched
He asked if he could pull one of my teeth "to remember me by"
You might be at the point of severe desperation when you gotta hold the two pieces of your broken vibrator together just to get off.
Why is your ex naked in my apartment?
Just shaved my crotch so I could call it the bald eagle. Happy 4th.
I mean I just feel if I'm not being fat and lazy then I'm not really being myself
We peed on campus in the middle of the tailgate and then hit on a married cop that asked you to stop touching him
I'm shotgunning a meatball sub and watching flip or flop. i have reached a new level of singledom.
How are you and the lady friend?
Well, she's a lunatic, and I love sex, so we're good.
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