Sweater Vest, Chin Strap, Beard, sporting a white Beret- Please don't ever let me be THAT guy.
hey is it cool if i invite some fat girls to the party so i can be the skinny one?
yeah okay. but if i take one home with me you have to come over in the morning and tell her to get her shit and go.
you know you should just kill yourself when you are helping your 16 year-old sister get ready for a date and you're going out to dinner with you parents..
i'm going through the NYU 2014 group looking for future drunken hookups. too slutty?
I don't think requesting him as a BBM contact is proper protocol following vomming in his bed.
...just for future reference, one Four Loko can fits PERFECTLY in a venti iced coffee cup from Starbucks
The door to door salesmen do not expect you to be drunk at 3 in the afternoon
It's amazing the difference a day and 2000 mg of antibiotic make. Nine days to go.
No, that was the night I was sneezing out barf
i left because you were standing at the top of the stairs throwing shot glasses and bottles full of alcohol at me and yelling JAGERBOMBS
Listen I'm a sentimental character under all this alcohol and ratchetry
Also, I found out that my dad has the name of every boy that I've ever dated and their physical description, car type and tag number stored in his computer.
Apparently Angela went missing once and he says he learned were to look first and that it's best to have information on hand.
You gotta own your makeout pics Matt. They're like badges of honor
My booty call made my bed while I was in the shower. I may have to marry him.
The gate guard just said to me, "I almost didn't recognize you in uniform. Welcome back." I think I need to lay off the booze.
Randomize