He actually believes he's not an alcoholic if he doesn't go to meetings.
i got a mint flavored condom from wellness day...im kind of tempted to taste it
I probably should have cut it off when he started putting queso on my nipples, but within ten minutes I was a self-serve burrito bar.
I left my Thanksgiving family dinner puking in my hands from the worst hangover in the world
Sometimes one must go to great lengths and make great sacrifices to get drunk. I willingly accept the challenge.
I wasn't hungover this morning. My head just hurt because someone tried to suction cup a dildo to my forehead.
She just kept introducing me to people by telling them which of their friends I've fucked
I just tried on my "outfit" for tonight and I should just wear sweatpants and a sign on my face that says I like it in the ass. That would be more comfortable
I'm not sure drinking my way through west nile virus is the best idea. Oh well, already committed to that plan.
Defrosting my uncrustable with my laptop...Hungover dinner
You took photos of my underwear around London the day after! THAT was too soon.
I don't know what to do with my life other than going on Reddit and watching porn.
The difference in our lives is summed up perfectly in that you woke up next to a 6'4" guy with an accent and I woke up next to an unwrapped piece of string cheese.
I'm only coming over if you have cocaine or a snickers bar
Please stop calling me a pterodactyl during sex. It only happens when you're drunk, but still.
Randomize
