the the hell do you 'accidentaily" jizz on a shirt thats folded in a drawer?
Motorboating on a tuesday night. not too shabby....
Im going to bring a boy home tonight, and not tell him that I have my period. So when he tries to fuck me, I say no, and look really classy. Then he thinks I'm marriage material. So I give him head.
Considering that my ex-wife dumped me to become a lesbian, the Universe owes me a threesome.
my dentist asked me why my tooth was chipped, i told him i couldn't remember. i think he understands.
It was a new level of awkwardness and terror. The high schoolers you fuck in the summer should never introduce themselves to your mom and godmother
Lesbians are nicde people they do not take debit cards
Found out why I didn't have to go drug test. My boss grew pot to pay for grad school.
She gave us all a pep talk at the bus stop at 1 AM. It involved cupcakes and somehow ended with her making out with her best friend. God bless college.
I had 800 mg of ibuprofen 2 b vitamins and I'm pounding water like I'm trying to win a hazing
As long as I don't spend the half the week passed out/fucked up on Klonopin and no one dies, this will be the best week I've had all semester.
You seemed underwhelmed by my smooth, smooth ass
and then after the older sorority girl asked me his name she said "he gave me the rest of his mcdonalds and I decided to go home with him. it was the best that I could hope for my night"
Just got back to the apartment. Why os there now 14 identical toothbrushes in the bathroom and only the two of us live here?
Man I just realized that my only life problem right now is that I have to convince myself not to fuck a 19-y-o
Randomize
