Don't make out with my wife yet
No, you can still breathe under the balls.
never try to heat up a hot pocket in the dryer if ur microwave breaks...bad idea.
he said i was the most charming throwing up drunk person hes ever taken care of. so of course i had sex with him.
I may be the first guy in history to get dome while watching An Extremely Goofy Movie.
Need your help. He's locked himself in the bathroom with his bong and his childhood collection of Goosebumps books.
you had me at cake vodka
spending today hungover and untagging myself from all the pictures of me kissing girls so grandma doesnt have a heart attack. how was your new years?
at least I have the sex noises of his roommate to entertain me while I wait for him to wake up
I'm keeping track of how many times I've said "Shhh, act like you're not naked." in my life. So far, 3 times.
Dude a gay guy just Sparta kicked this Samoan guy for calling him a flamer you need to get down here the free kamakazee shots haven't even started yet
Soooo we should kick it sometime when it's like light outside. Drink outta cups.. Be bitches. 7, 6, 3, 5.. 4, 2, 1... Sschhkiddaellladiieessscchk
I'm giving head in a stairwell, I'll be back in a few minutes. I'm so ashamed.
My 1st STD. I feel like there should be a cake for this.
Like your dick isn't Beyoncé, it doesn't get close ups
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