dude your cousin who was wearing the skirt wasn't wearing any underwear
gross she's a slut
yea she doesn't shave either
I'm playing wingman, but I want to pull a Goose and die.
saw a pregnant woman in a bridal gown standing on the side of the road while her car was getting searched by police....cheers to new beginnings
i just remembered i chipped my tooth last night when i pulled up your pants zipper with my teeth
He has a landing strip. I repeat he has shaven himself a landing strip. HELPPPP!
Spending my graduation money on an abortion. Welcome to the real world.
okay. this is james and youre probably never ever gonna see me again unless i really really really want some pussy. sorry.
stop bragging. last time i got laid i got double pink eye, and it was so not worth it
You called to teach me about fire safety, meowed a whole bunch, said "I hope you are not on fire" and hung up.
No I got myself stoned. With her bowl. She was just a casualty of the War on Sobriety.
Get over here asap there are three naked girls two bottles of whiskey and only one of me
Omg the sex was so good my ears popped. Thank god too. Cause then I didn't have to hear him going on and on about his dumbass feelings. It's called a booty call bitch.
All I can remember from last night was eating nutella and touching myself to Weird Science.
I haven't felt more like a college student than when I woke up this morning naked with my sociology textbook in front of me and my bong in my left hand.
Dude, I just turned down sexual favours because I need to study... What the fuck is wrong with me?
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