I'm at a Mexican Walmart. Wish you were here.
New invention idea: vibrating tampons
i just identified you from a description of your pipe
it's like his penis is God's way of saying "sorry about his face"
If I don't throw up the day I graduate i'll feel like the last 4 years and thousands of dollars spent on alcohol will have been wasted.
she has an amazing ass but I need more beers to get past her horse face. It works out perfect becauseI can use her teeth as a bottle opener.
I'm pretty sure we organized our beer pong teams according to who's been circumsized...
From time to time I think I'm happy for a second and then I remember how a guy stopped me from giving him head on my birthday weekend.
So I had sex in a bulldozer lastnight now that's definitely a first...
He puked in the middle of it and I still wasn't disappointed.
I wore my Gollum shirt. It struck up a conversation AND got him staring at my boobs. That's a win-win.
Hey, you know that marble art statue thing in your bedroom? Hypothetically what would happen if a penis got stuck in it?
My sex life is driven by spite and alcohol
Hey what you doing tonight?
Working at the hospital! So hurt yourself and come visit :)
See you in about a hour
Oral sex and brunch. The perfect sunday morning.
Randomize
