You should probably just propose to him the old fashioned way: sleep with him and get pregnant.
He told me he was 'pondering the natural wonder that is my ass'
Like, dude. I'm already fucking you, you don't need to wax poetic.
Isn't he wasted enough that he might actually mean it and not just be trying to get you to fuck him without a condom?
Every time I hit my bowl my neighbors set off fireworks... I stop, they stop. I start again, they start again. Too high for this.
Also I may have a condom stuck inside me, but I won`t know til I check the couch coushions.
My TA just came over to give us drugs. Now he's drinking grey goose with my roommate and explaining his thesis to her. This is too much.
We're gonna have the chick that teaches kindergarteners to fold origami roll the joints.
I'm sorry the first time we hungout you had to witness me throw up in the ocean then army crawl to shore.
sold 4 oz of weed today pantsless. man i love college.
fun fact #6 about tuesday nights: giving head with two 40s taped to your hands is not as easy as you would think
I keep confusing the name of her and her dog. Both are appropriate.
I think weed is turning my hair brown
I'll have a whole suitcase of emergency bacon with me obviously
Basically we had a threesome in one room and a fivesome in the next room. Its what I like to call a win win situation.
Do you realize our room single-handedly hooked up with most of that wedding party last night?
What should I list for life skills
How about home wrecking? You’re excellent at that
Hmm...that is a life skill in Southern California
Randomize
