Can you please tell me why there's a bottle of urine on my night stand with a note that says "in case you're thirsty in the morning"? Thanks.
Only at my house do scrabble games turn into fist fights. I won though... the fight not the board game.
i'm ready for this baby to gtfo so i can get coked out.
I couldn't tell if those girls from the bar were lesbians or just awesome
You think posting ushers "let it burn" video on his fb page is in bad taste? haha
On her way to bed she said, "If you have sex on the couch, just move my blanket" Needles to say, we moved the blanket
why is there a wheelchair in the hall and why does it look like we banged in it?
I apparently asked the cab driver to show us his dick and then he showed me a picture of his girlfriend
I want your cock. I also want to cuddle you and tell you how amazing you are, because you know balance.
You're the only person I know who would go to New Jersey to give a blowjob and I have so much respect for you for it
please tell me he didn't just scream 'i am the yiff lord' at the cops
I'm in love. Her name is Jamie. She's beautiful. She punched me in the face.
When he pulled out it sounded like a balloon deflating
Vulcans are sexy now IT HAS BEEN WAY TOO LONG SINCE I'VE GOTTEN LAID
I just discovered my new vice. Cotton candy vodka. Its like a carnival in my mouth, puking of the tilt-a-whirl included.
Randomize
