I drank it, and now my boss keeps hitting me in the face with beams of light.
Tripping at your desk probably isn't the best plan you've had.
That's the great thing about NY, if you pee your dress you have an entire cab ride to air dry your panties before the next club.
It was not a dingleberry, it was a dinglemelon
I don't get why Lindsay Lohan doesn't just blame her bad behavior on her twin sister from the Parent Trap. I mean nobodys seen her since.
She kept saying 'I love you' but i couldn't tell if she was talking to me or to her beer.
There are about 5 pictures of my dog taking a dump on my camera and 20 of Brandon taking one for "comparison" reasons.
I mean besides the fact someone got stabbed, I still had a pretty good night.
This is your monthly public service announcement that sexual services will temporarily cease from Wednesday night to Monday. Please plan accordingly and have a nice day =D
So instead of asking me for my number, he asked for my dad's because he wanted to "thank the man that helped create those tits."
He's under the table sobbing because he doesn't live in a taco if you ever get him this high again I will stab you
Well I met my booty call's parents by accident, so that happened.
Needless to say, I woke up on the bathroom floor wearing the dress that my mom wore to the wedding. That open bar stole my soul.
He's been pretending to be gay for 3 months in order to get free weed.
It's now officially the Christmas season, so I have no shame in drinking evernog.
I had the good sense not to tell her that my summer goal is to get fucked by a med student while wearing a party dress and sparkly shoes
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