Took her home last night and it was like trying to put an oyster in a slot machine. I may have drank a little too much.
Hiding in the clothes rack at walmart like a 4 year old. Already scared 3 people. New fav weekend activity
my mom just used "raw dog" in a sentence correctly, time to move out.
the nurse was shocked when I handed her a cup of green piss. what did she expect giving me a drug test on st. patty's day?
the size of his penis is telling me NOOO! but his bank account is telling me YESSS!
ALTON JUST DID GRAVY SHOTS. THIS IS WHY HE'S MY HERO
He apologized for his naked psychotic episode and then we had goodbye sex on his sailboat
I drunken agreed to go wedding dress shopping with a stranger at the bar yesterday. She sent me an email asking what days I am free.
He didn't have much of a personality. But I had like 100 orgasms, so that's cool.
i just had diarrhea that people from the 1930's would have died from
An old biker dude just flirted with me at Food City. I enjoyed it. God damn I need to get laid.
This weekend I turned down sex to watch the Star Wars marathon... Is this growing up?
The not so cute guy next to me made me play Kid Rock on the jukebox but I'm a big believer in free drinks so I obliged.
i just woke up from a 4 hour nap, still drunk, to make mac n cheese.
That would involve putting on clothes and I don't think I can face that right now.
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