do you think he would believe thats it not really my period, and that i ate a lot of licorice?
I just spent an unhealthy amount of money overnighting a full adult sized Trix Rabbit Halloween costume
he took off his pants and apologized in advance if I thought he was too small.
Dude you need to stop whoring out my boobs. They are for emergencies only.
Alive...but barely. Had dinner with my parents tonight which was conveniently located near where i left my car, phone, and self respect
Well apparently I'm no fun since I won't have a threesome with him and my mother.
this just proves how much faith i have in "us".. what should we be for halloween..?
When the cop tells you to leave the pool, does that mean you have to put your bathing suit back on too?
He really thought ahead and just left the tequila in the mail box for late night pickup. Best. Friend. Ever.
my question is who was more confortable? You sleeping on the floor or me tweeting from a bush?
Thanks for fucking me in last night
TUCKING. TUCKING ME IN LAST NIGHT
WHAT HAS MY LIFE COME TO I'M MAKING A SCARF FOR A PENIS
there is a guy with a glowstick staff outside my house
im about to go through the checkout with 3 flasks and a wedding card. let the judgement begin!
update: cashier guessed cash bar before i could say anything. completely bypassed "dry" and knew cash bar right away. i love this state.
It's three am. I'm drunk in a stairwell in Vegas. My flight leaves at six. Help.
Randomize