HIV tests are more positive than that guy
so the chest pain/shortness of breath/overdose guy we just took to tm hospital is now running down market street from the police in a gown holding his iv.
I'm actually pretty neutral about a lot of things. I'm like Switzerland with a penis.
The cop only confirmed I'm .22% Irish. Then I threw up on him.
I just taped a plastic bag to my ceiling for the next time I have to throw up on the top bunk. Why am I so good at college?
THERE WAS A HANDPRINT OF BLOOD ON HIS SHOULDER
Just had the weirdest flashback. Did we buy melon, take it into the restaurant and try to make them give it to us as dessert?
Got hereat 8. Had 6 beers 2 shots and a game of diZZY BATOS
I'm on my fifth cocktail in twenty minutes. I don't think I will end this on two legs.
Do you know what your brother wants for his birthday?
Yeah he said he wants a decent blowjob for a change.
.......
I'm just looking out for you.
I have to go buy generic plan b after work. I don't even leave for the new semester for another 11 days. I think I just leveled up in sluttiness
Of course, you have to give the courtesy text like last night when I told you my dick was gonna smell like peppermint
Honestly, the only reason I've been productive today was because I ended up organizing my apartment while searching for my vibratory charger.
I deserve this hangover.
I like the new guy, he keeps beer in the fridge.
Randomize
