I figure if he loans me money i only owe him sex for the rest of the summer before i pay him back, right?
So my mom just called me into her room and showed me a condom wrapper she found in my room. "Oh that's from when I was like 16." I don't think that was very comforting.
Do you think girls in gamma phi sit around and think about how much they suck?
I'm sitting by the window waiting for the sun to go down so that I can start drinking.
dude, boobs are like the porridge in goldylocks
This gyro tastes like lonliness
I have been sober for so long that I miss hangovers... what is happening to this summer?
Last night was the twilight zone. We hungout with our 45 year old future selves and tried to fuck everything with a dick. Lets move forward from this.
some dude just accurately guessed my height and bra size.. that is cup AND inches around. creepy, yet impressive
You had to dry your pants with the hand dryer in the bathroom because you "forgot to take it out."
I just spent 30 minutes plucking my 2 month grown out pubes with tweezers so I’m hope your night is going better than mine
You guys do the cocaine and I'll do the dishes.
I just revenge puked in his shoes. This is gonna be a fun night :)
guess who smoked weed with their grandpa tonight. and no it wasn't me.
Do you recall asking me to zip line through your wedding dressed as a bleeding angel?
Randomize
