All I've ever wanted to do in life is right
Maybe you should learn how to spell write first
well i just puked at a family gathering so i can cross that off the bucket list
Two grown ass men just come into the bar riding humongous tricyles
The maintenance guy at work just asked me out for a drink. For once, I proudly said that I was 20.
we agreed that it was acceptable to get the cat high as long as we gave her a lot of food.
as we waited for a manager to come open the door that we broke while having sex on the wall, we decided to go round two in the hallway before he came back.. god i love hotels.
I'd be there a lot sooner if these damn stairs would stop moving.
He used the phrase "no problemo" in a sext. It's over.
I'd introduce you to the guys, but you'd probably make them all fall in love with you
I could do with a Floridian man-harem. Let's do this.
In his defense he just bought a bong like a week ago so he's still in that honeymoon phase.
I don't care how hungry or impatient you are. the highest setting on the microwave is 100% and you better not take it appart to add power. This is not the Enterprise.
You know how I said I'd never worry about my roommate? Well I just walked in on her masturbating to Star Trek.
Did she boldly cum where no one has cum before?
I gave him a BJ and he left. Coincidentally that's the name of my memoir.
I don't trust his life but I trust his penis.
i'm extremely hungover on the ski bus and the driver is playing abba. this. is. not. okay.
Randomize
