From the crime scene it appears that I attempted to throw up into a candle.
so while trying to be a healthier drunk i discovered that putting airborne in natty is not an advisable decision
Please dont jizz on my ds screen.
You know you had a bad blackout when you forget you held the stanley cup.
I need a second opinion on who's blood is in my car.
No, he attached a coozie to his crutches so he can carry his beer around the party.
All of the texts in my phone just say "BEER". I woke up with glowsticks on my arm. What happened last night?
You told me "I need to pound this drinks if I'm going to pretend his dick is big enough" then left. Dollar night quotes 2012
I am gathering blankets and bags of horse grain to pad my truck bed so I have a comfy place to crash when I get home, without the inconvenience of stairs. Or doors. Or walking. But with the refreshing scent of molasses.
I do not mind being torn from the first touches of sleep to see a man who looks like that
This dude has batman tighty whities on over his cargo pants and he has the nerve to yell "fuck you bitch" up at my window.
You stumbled in the door as high as a kite, & ran into the table. I asked you if you were all right. You replied with "I don't have any soup."
You kept pointing at me and saying I'm getting chicken parmesan and no one is going to stop me
If I get back to the house before you, I'm setting up the swing. If you get there before me, it's chains and cuffs.
I wish he’d realize all I want is dick. He’s my boytoy. He’s a stunt cock. \n\nCome over, fuck me silly, eat some leftovers, fuck me again, then go back to the frat house
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