i got last night's adventure to take the garbage out when he was leaving. my vagina is THAT good.
i think he drugged the pie. i'll get back to you on that later.
Because you know it would be fucking amazing to get trashed and shatter the dreams of 12 year old girls. I might get a shirt.
You fell asleep with your fingers in my vagina. You made this a relationship.
tequilla shots with my grandparents? christmas visiting just got so much better
Idk we were snorting lines and making out in the stall while these people were cheering us on, on the other side. And that's when I realized he wasn't the only guy in the girls bathroom.
We can do this. We've been drunk at a gay bar, we will not be taken down by a Tuesday.
Every minute you wait for the sex that's not gonna happen, we're missing a tone deaf, drunk, tard-asaurus rex half-sing a 90's song to a bunch of other dinotards at karaoke.
She had sex with a starfish painted on her face. Thank you Halloween
I don't think tits should taste like fish.
Only great wives bring your dope to you when you are at the Cardiologist
Just because I stayed up all night betting on Australian Horse Racing doesn't mean I have a gambling program.
Something I never want to forget. I'm in a porta potty and she is outside knocking on the door going "You're a queen. You're a queen. Never think any different"
The modern romantic, surprising his gf w/ a gram of blow
When my card got declined you bought the vibrator without me even asking. This is what friendship is.
Randomize
