Um, that's called prostitution
Not if I leave it on the nightstand, then it's called cab money
I now have an ENTIRE drawer of unused disposable silverware from Boston Market... and you guys said I needed to "buy" kitchen stuff
You are in charge of making sure that her vagina explodes with joy tonight.
they bet me shots that I couldn't give people piggyback rides around the club just cause I'm 125lbs and a girl...I had a line forming after the third guy.
It smells like someone died in our apartment and ya'll used some random orifice of his body to smoke weed out of. Side note, how did we get a guitar?
Repeat. Dildo on the ceiling, confiscated potato shooter, and bottle of yegger. Repeat. Ceiling dildo and yegger.
Moments after comforting her about her boyfriend issues I found myself in the other room showing him my tits.
He's saved in my phone as 'MURICA. I think it's safe to say I'm not exactly taking him seriously.
I just swallowed some ecstasy stuck in my nose from last night. Work should be interesting.
When we were texting for those few weeks, I some how established a crush on you. And its weird and wild and stupid and silly. But these things just have to be said sometimes to determine what's real and what is infatuation. And to suffer the consequences of five am drunk philosophy. No regrets.
I started crying during a meeting at work and now I'm sitting on my couch drinking boxed wine at 1:30 in the afternoon. Fuck you too estrogen.
decided to jump from one of the levels of the Westin chicago Nortghwest. it was worth the broken legs.
Lo siento on account of my penis...
Did you really think putting a napkin over your head would make you giving him a bj less obvious?
Met this british guy. Played pool. Broke into an apartment and had sex
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