I love how adderall is equivalent to money on a college campus. just got a ride home and paid the driver in adderall...yeeah buddy
When we woke up, I asked if we could play "what does your name rhyme with".....he said 'bave' thank god it was easy
We were hooking up and you crawled into bed with us, because you had lost your phone and didn't "want to be alone at a time like this."
I think call of duty has replaced my masturbating. And I'm alright with that.
We were naked in his bed when he asked me "what should we do?"
Apparently, his doctor was impressed with how well we took care of his leg. We're like the kings of naked triage.
why the fuck are my pubes caked with bread crumbs?
My underwear said "hard to get" on the butt. He laughed when he took them off.
I am too high to deal with coming home to 11 naked people in my living room
The cops came, and I made friends with him. He wants me to babysit his kids.
No seriously, I don't care if you just sucked God's dick. I have had a better Fat Tuesday than you
You're still my best friend even though you continue to pass out on random toilets every time you drink
I swear to fucking god if he takes away netflix I will have no problem sending his gf our sex videos
Just ignore the penis. It's won't bother you. I promise.
You can cuddle me. Word on the street is my ass is ridiculous.
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