i got really high and listened to the spongebob squarepants theme song and, i swear to god, it was in german.
I can get head just about anywhere nowadays so that's not much of an incentive, coffee on the other hand...
Thinking about fake proposing to my gf just so the middle aged women next to us will buy us drinks
dude. you ripped the mardi gras beads off the girls neck and yelled she didnt deserve them..
You tried taking his shirt off at the bar. He was 37 and married with kids.
Oh you don't have to buy a shower curtain, I stole the one from her bathroom. It has dolphins on it.
I just woke up in bed, rolled over, and found a whole pizza.
this is the second day in a row.
Oh. Yeah. It's the same pizza then.
Im rolling face in a pizzeria. I want to be with people who love me.
I just said "okay we have 20 minutes to get each other off, ready... Set... Go!" and he picked me up and threw me on the bed. I almost came just from that.
The crooked penis I maybe could have looked past...but no foreplay? Deal breaker.
I'm home now if you wanna come over.
Sloane just tried to lick my eyeball. I'm going to regain my composure then I'll be there.
I didn't think it was possible but he dislocated his thumb during intercourse last night then cried
As a friend tho, you have the biggest dick I've ever seen
We will let tequila do the talkin this weekend
So I thought you might like to hear how I went to sams club to print some pictures and suddenly there was 20 pictures of your dick and my snatch on the screen
Randomize
