DOES ANYONE KNOW THE NINJA TURTLES
What are you wearing to our high school reunion?
I don't know, What kind of dress says "I feel sorry for you people?"
should i be impressed or disgusted that i was spitting glow-in-the-dark?
and she is using the paper towels as a pillow... but you know what? i've done that too.. so u can really tell we are sisters.
Did I send you an asleep facebook message about the upcoming football season titled 'BRILLIANT' at 4:45 this morning?
I figured out that he lasts longer when I rap during sex. He made it all the way through "Love the Way you Lie"
She only spoke Russian, but she was so gorgeous it didn't matter
Oh. I think she ate all the cake and took our vodka...still gorgeous.
You asked him for a membership to him and his dick.
I think it was the free bomb shots from the creepy bolivians that sent us over the edge
So, I'm drinking, and I put my head down in the table. The cat jumped up to check on me, I have a cat sober monitor.
Well, you've continued the theme of living with people who's dicks I've sucked.
fuck off. It's 10am and I'm drink gin and ginger ale through a twizzler straw. My life is marvellous
Uh oh we had sex and I don't think I like him anymore help
His truck was very sexy. Unfortunately, shortly thereafter, I discovered that the whole overcompensating thing is very true...
The man at the checkout said "Somebody's not fucking around".
It's gonna be a good night
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