the ugly redhead just came into the bar, wearing a sombrero...by herself... who is going to tell her that its not cool to throw themed parties when you're the only guest?
Did you know that cab drivers don't take quarters for payment? They don't even like it when you ask.
he told my vagina that he was looking forward to meet it
I told him we can only be friends from now on & he said he knows but that I'm the 'best he ever had'.
you slept with him again didn't you
you can't just quote Drake AND compliment me at the same time & receive nothin. he knows me too well
It's like alcoholism for beginners at my kitchen table.
There was a punch bowl full of straight vodka. Glass bowl, ladle, vodka, and no punch at all. It was something of a rough night
she pulled the sheets over her head to blow me but the static kept making little lightning bolts and I was too high and got really scared she was going to electrocute me.
Probably shouldn't have worn my jeans covered in blood from last night to class.
My hair is crimped, I am walking with a roadie, and my vibrator is in my purse. I feel sorry for tomorrow.
Eh maybe I should give her a chance. Let's see where making a porno takes the friendship
Yeah I remember doing the worm in my moms room. While she's yelling at me and I'm making seagull nooises
Why do you hate her?
She's dating the best penis that has ever entered my vagina.....
No, not if I told them not to. they listen to me. I have a vagina.
Fuuuuuck dude, he’s got #Excel in his Facebook bio; I’m screaming
Do you remember trying to eat the shower curtain last night...?
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