dude stop sending me pictures of your dick in weird places. i get it. you rock out with your cock out.
he actually said the words "do you want to pet the lizard?" with a straight face as he unzipped his pants
I swear to God, I just heard my guardian angel tell us to stop. I think we should listen.
All she does is lay in bed and watch golden girls and masturbate all day...
It's inspiring.
Just wrestled a cop. He won my shorts. I won my freedom. In fishnets and army boots. still headed to the party. would appreciate pants, but not necessary.
sick fucks of a feather flock together
Why would I send you a picture of it when I could just steal the gnome and put it in your bed with you? Admit it, he looks just like gnomeo!
Court can wait. right now you and your magic penis need to be here satisfying me.
sriracha body shots, that's gonna be a thing
it's like you just said "i want you to suffer"
I knew this night was headed for bad when I was drinking cherry bombs out of a sippy cup in the shower
NATIONAL GIVE A BOSTON COP A BLOW JOB BITCH ROAD TRIP NOW
I just threw up all of my lunch in the Barnes & Nobles parking lot. Rockbottom tastes like a veggie burger, in case you were wondering.
Congrats. You made me have an orgasm in Starbucks.
To show us how offended you were you took off the right foot of your pterodactyl suit and proceeded to attack us with it.
He grabbed a pine cone off the ground and yelled "I love cigars" then tried to smoke it for ten minutes.
Randomize
