In debating whether or not it's worth getting out of bed and walking 5 feet down the hallway to go to the bathroom before I puke
now that im off birth control, the world is a much scarier place
Just hit a cone using a lit sparkler. Tastes like I might die but it was magical.
I have the coolest burn here. Everyone is taking my picture. I'm like a celebrity of the burn victims.
Her face just looks like a massive mistake. That's the only legitimate description I can say about it
WHY IS FOOD SO DELICIOUS
BECAUSE SCIENCE
Mcnellies. I'm drunk enough that you have a window. Capitalize.
Goddamn it Peter ur the only person i know who can make going down on a girl a competition.
She won. Twice.
We were kinda loud so his roommate woke up and to make up for it he invited him to a threesome. I can't drink whiskey anymore.
When I woke up next to him on the living room floor, my glasses were broken and it felt like someone rubbed a cactus all over my vag
My throw up tasted like pumpkin, fall is right around the corner.
He really only has clothes, like 4 boogie boards, and a bong here.
So... How much of our rent is drug money?
If there was a category for "most likely to end up a serial killer" in your high school yearbook then I'm sure you would have won it
You walked in on us hooking up, hugged me, high fived him and unhooked my bra.. You claimed to be helping
Randomize
